No one wants to be me.

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Photo by luizclas on

“You are living a woman’s worst nightmare.”

“No one wants to be you.”

These statements clustered like barnacles in the back of my mind, their sharp edges piercing my self-worth.

Of course, no one had said these things to my face. But the words were a composite of input from myriad sources . . . movies and tv, social media, books, work interactions, family conversations, even Christian circles. Sometimes the message had been subtle, and other times . . . not so much.

Before you protest such alarming self-talk, let’s look at the facts:

I have never been married.

I will never have any biological children or grandchildren.

I live a celibate life.

Can you honestly say this is or was your life goal, or something you pray for others (especially if you have a daughter)?

I didn’t think so.

Let’s be real. Most of us hope for (dare I say, expect) that our lives will include marriage, physical intimacy, and offspring.

Sure, there are a few exceptions, but the overwhelming tide of humanity proclaims marriage and procreation as the expected (and preferred) path in life.

Most females see ending up an “old maid” (I hate to even use the term) as the worst possible outcome.

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Photo by Rene Asmussen from Pexels

When I was young, my single friends and I frolicked on the same sandy beach. But one by one, they boarded the “Love Boat” and sailed on with their spouses to new destinations. Now, I watch from a distance as they dock in new ports, launching children into adulthood and adding grandbabies to their growing ship’s manifest. While I rejoice in their happiness, I also find new waves of grief lapping at my shore.

It’s easy to believe the whispers of the Father of Lies: “You missed the boat. You’re alone. Unchosen. Inferior. Left out.”

In sum, worth less than others.

Messages that contradict this line of thinking are few and far between.

Dr. Tony Evans boldly tackles the subject in his book, “Living Single.” He writes, “we are guilty as a society and as a church of making single people feel like they are second-class citizens. But God doesn’t make any distinction between married and single people in terms of their value . . .”

Which points me to the Book I trust above all others: The Bible.

It’s where I go when I need to know what’s really true.

So, what does Scripture say about me? Here is just a sample:

• I have advantages as a single. [1]
• I am honoring God with my purity. [2]
• I am loved. [3]
• I’m not alone. [4]
• I am chosen. [5]
• I am whole and complete. [6]
• I have a purpose. [7]
• I belong. [8]
• I can trust God’s plan for my life. [9]
• I have a glorious future. [10]

When I believe what God’s Word says about me, the fiery darts of the Enemy fizzle mid-air. The barnacles of wrong thinking loosen their grip, and I begin to see that my life is something desirable, not a nightmare.


The greatest weapon for combating lies about your value is to believe the TRUTH of who God says you are.

Why have I risked sharing something so personal?

Because I know you struggle, too.

It may not be about singleness, but the Enemy of Your Soul regularly whispers lies, tailor-made just for you. He wants nothing more than to derail your faith, steal your joy, and keep you from living out your divine purpose.

That’s why the next time the Deceiver attacks, I urge you to practice the Three R’s:

1. Recognize the lie;
2. Reject the lie, and
3. Replace the lie with the truth.

My dear friend Kelly was the speaker at a bridal shower not long ago. She could have reinforced the societal message that marriage was going to fulfill all of the bride-to-be’s dreams and make her “complete.” Instead, she shared how only Christ can make a person whole.

She concluded her talk by saying, “If we live out of the reality of our identity in Christ—that we are whole and complete, blessed with every spiritual blessing, and are fully loved and accepted by God, we can walk this life (whether we are single, married, divorced, widowed, young, old, middle-aged or elderly) with confidence and hope, no matter what happens.”

Today, regardless of your circumstances . . .regardless of how you feel,
choose to believe the truth about who you are in Christ.

Additional Encouragement

“You Say”
“The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me.
In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity.
You say I am loved, when I can’t feel a thing.
You say I am strong, when I think I am weak.
And You say I am held, when I am falling short.
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours.”

Songwriters: Paul Mabury, Lauren Daigle, Jason Ingram
Listen to the full song, performed by Lauren Daigle by clicking here.

Verses of Truth

[1] The beauty of singleness: “ . . .to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried . . .An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. . . a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. . . that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” (I Corinthians 7:8, 32, 34, 35 NLT)

[2] The call to be pure: “Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.” (Hebrews 13:4, The Message)

[3] You are loved. “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1, NIV)

“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-30, ESV)

[4] You are never alone. “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” (Deuteronomy 31:8, ESV)

[5] You are chosen. “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world.” (Ephesians 1: 4, NIV).

[6] You are complete in Christ. “So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority.” (Colossians 2:10, NLT)

[7] You were created for a purpose. “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10, ESV)

[8] You belong. “Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.” (Psalm 100:3, NIV)

[9] God will lead your life. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” (Proverbs 3:5-6, NLT)

[10] You have a glorious eternal future. “And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.” (Ephesians 2:6-7, NIV

4 thoughts on “No one wants to be me.

  1. You have such good insight and beliefs how God will be with us no matter our circumstances in our life on earth as we look forward to our heavenly lives one day.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Such truth! We all need to stand on the word of God–everything else is sinking sand. Everyone is a beloved child of God and our hope is in Jesus, no one else.

    Love you so much! Lorna

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Amen and amen and amen!!! Thank you so much for sharing the truth about our identity no matter where life’s course takes us. Thank you for sharing your story and struggles….this is the stuff that makes for true life, and how God has met you in it. I so appreciate the spirit in which you write and share. This will be and is such an encouragement and inspiration to whoever will read it. Blessings!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for your beautiful insight Jane on a sometimes uncomfortable subject. You have made me feel better today. You have touched my heart once again. Much love in Christ

    Liked by 1 person

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